Koinonia

Koinonia.
It describes a person's relationship with God.
It also describes a person's relationship with people.

Knowing this, I have a poor Koinonia.
I cannot do enough practical ways to love the people He put in my world.
I fail to share the love that Christ first loved with me.

Failure as a friend or foe, I have to admit...
when you let someone know you better...
it hurts more.

While I was walking yesterday around the park, I simply smiled to passerbyers.
They all smiled back and even greeted.
It seems easier to make strangers happy, but then again...

While I was walking around today with family, everyone would laugh and smile.
Then when I saw another person not with us, it made me question-
Why didn't I know?

Return to God's Love

Probably wondering what kind of bun is that? Well, it seems like a char siew bun but its not. It's a peanut butter and jam bun, which I happened to pick out of all the seemingly ordinary buns in the bag. It was a bun made because it had been a leftover, but then again it is made out of love because I like peanut butter and jam.

Love can be so hard to understand. Love can seem so disguised in the moment. But when open our eyes and understand what it is, when we search for the meaning of it, we can taste the sweetness of it.

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love," says the Lord...

Sometimes I wonder what is "love"? It is not a just a feeling or flurry of emotions. It is something more that fills our cravings, strange as it may sound but it fills our life. Without it we feel lack and lost.

Love could be the times when our parents taught us how to walk and talk. They'd make us our favourite foods. Love could be when our siblings played with us and stayed with us. Growing up together is and was memorable.
Love could be the times when our friends listen to us. Spending moments working, walking, the worthwhile times.

Love could be when couples marry and dwell in unity. Enjoying the company of a companion makes one feel complete.

Love could be the times when children are around to learn from us. They ask so many questions at one time because they know you have the answer or at least you'd listen and care.

As days, months and years go by, I wonder how long any of this will last. Our love is limited. Our love is conditional. Our love is incomplete. True love? ...It exists.

Jesus loved us with a perfect love. Our love is wonderful and yet sometimes we still feel a void in our hearts, as if something is missing. We may not understand why or how until we seek Him and then, we shall find Him.

I don't know how else to describe what love is, but He has the answer and He holds the missing piece to our hearts.

One thing I want to recount from the other day; there was this man who was learning to speak again. He had an accident which damaged his brain and impaired his speech function. Once again, he had to learn how to speak again and so his wife called for a speech therapist. One of the first things he managed to say was, "I love you" to his wife. Everyone teared upon hearing him say the words.

I often forget to tell people how much I love them, and show them how much they matter. I forget to love them by accepting them, forgiving them, and moving on. Love is not confined. Love is not because of comfort or convenience. Loving someone who loves you back is easy, but loving an enemy or someone we think is unworthy or unthankful is a kind of love that is rare.

Thinking about it...when was the last time I told Jesus or even the person would made that bun for me and the other people in my life, "I love you?"

Afraid of Waking Up

At night before the little girl went to bed she listened to the sound of gentle snoring, the sound of the tick of a clock, the light classical music playing away, and a drip of the tap that her mother might not have tightly close. She would turn off her lights and clean up, and there was a silence and a peace in knowing everybody was safe and sound and tucked away. Then she would fall asleep...

Sometimes she would dream a dream that she could not wake up from. She would fight to break free but it seems as if she was trapped in a time and space where fighting was useless, and struggling was hopeless. It's dark. It's cold. It feels like your body is no longer under your control. All you can do is wait until you wake up. And when you wake up you realise it was only a dream but then what is real?

Sometimes she would have a pleasant dream, a collection of old memories. Times like those only last for a little while and then they become lost or treasured in minds and hearts. However the lessons and laughter shared in each memory lives longer than the duration of a mere dream. It's full of happiness. It's warm. It's worthwhile to return to, like a safe haven of rest and a good hiding place. And you'd never want to wake up from a beautiful dream such as this.

Then one day when she thought about it...
...What if she woke up deaf? ...How would she listen to the stories around her?
...What if she woke up blind? ...How would she see the beautiful creation surrounding her?
...What if she woke up mute? ...Would she still sing songs of praise and joy?
...What if she woke up physically disabled? ...Would she still walk with the Lord?
And when she thinks more and more about it, all she wants to do is sleep until someone wakes her up. Knowing that someone will wake her up gives her comfort in knowing that she is still awake. Everyday she wakes up, she knows it is a fight to live, a battle to meet, a fear to defeat.

While she is awake, she wants to remember to stay awake and conscious of her every thought, aware of the very things happening before her. It's scary to think of. Then again, living is fighting, sleeping is retreating, waking up is the choice she must make and still the clock ticks away, the light classical music may play, the tap could be closed but the gentle snores seize.

Be Still...

Sometimes it's hard to be still. Times like these.

I may try to remain calm, stay upbeat and think positive, but I can get tired sometimes too. Then I remember I am waiting and that is all I need to do.

I know that waiting is like rain after long days of drought, it is believing something will happen despite the happenings in between. And I know fear makes waiting intolerable. Weakening our faith and spirit.

He tells us to ,"Be still...".

To wait means to be still, and remain calm. When we wait, we hope. When we hope, we see.

As the rain drops fell in showers, I waited for it to stop. Then I saw a rainbow in the sky.

More Than I Can Tell

Of long weary days,
of some sad or quiet times,
of tears shed in silence alone...

Of short minutes of joy,
of playing and joyfulness,
of laughter shared together...

Of different times,
whether here or there,
the happenings are more than I can tell.

Of hours when we learned,
of wisdom in truth,
of how faith builds a child up.

Of the moments to live,
of a life worthy of our calling,
of how children should shine as light.

Of the times spent kneeling,
of prayers made in one accord,
of hoping that each child serves the Lord.

Of a timeless story that has not ended,
which is more than I can tell,
more than any tongue or pen could ever tell.

---
I wanted so much to sing this hymn because the title of the hymn spoke to me: "When I Can Read My Title Clear". For some time I thought about what I was writing...Have I read my title clearly?
I wondered...
What am I writing? Why am I writing this? Who am I writing to? How am I writing it?
For some time I contemplated whether the things I wrote were related to the title. Then I thought although I cannot tell of all the blessings in my life, of all the details of His plan for each day, I can tell of the little things that I ought to tell about.