Strength Made Perfect in Weakness

... "You say: I can't do it...

God says: You can do all things"...

I woke up this morning and uttered a sound,
still it sounded husky and raspy.
How long has it been I wondered;
why has my voice not fully recovered?

I have waited so long to regain my voice,

to reclaim what I had lost for months.

Why do You do this to me I ask-

what is the meaning of this loss?

I have listened for Your still small voice,

and still I do not know the sound of it.

What is the purpose of this lesson-

why has it been dragged on and on?

I know now I am so weak,

that pride still lurks within me.

And though I try to flee from sin,

my feet still run towards its luring.

I say I am afraid of pride,

and I ask Him to take it away from me.

But in every dark corner of my heart,

there lies a hint of Satan's darkest darts.

I know my own weaknesses and strengths,

and I know God knows of them too.

However there are three beings that know me,

and Satan is one who can also see.

I try to avoid my strengths,

in hope that I may flee from pride.

But if I do not know what humility means,

I know not what submissiveness deems.

I may play with words and write something nice,

but if God does not will it then how can I write?

And when I think that this post is something,

I have to remember that I am nothing.

I am only a pen and an earthen vessel;

He can fill me with ink and with His gifts.

And I can sing, and write, and laugh, and love,

because my strength comes from He who is above.

Keep Me As the Apple of Your Eye

Do you know that the apple of your eye...

is the most sensitive part of your eye?

If anyone or anything were to touch your eye,

you would naturally protect your eye.

But he who touches you touches the apple of His eye.

I did not understand what it meant when God said,

He will keep us as the apple of His eye.

And now I know that I am as the apple of His eye.

I am afraid that I will forget His teachings, that one day I might forsake my first love and forget all the things He has done for me. I know as days go on and time passes by, my heart may stray far from God and then His ways may seem puzzling, His guidance is less important, His voice will be muted, and His word-even if I read it-will seem strange. I think that God is always there for me, but I take Him for granted. My sins will distance me away from God that I may not find Him.

And when I remember, the nation of Israel journeyed through the wilderness, many times they had forsaken God, and many times God forgave them. He had found them in a desert land and in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled them and instructed them, He kept them as the apple of His eye (Deuternomy 32:10). Yes, He loves His people, cherished above all others, precious in His sight-and He loves even you and me. And when I read the love letter (Deutronomy 33) that God wrote to His people, it really is beautiful... He tells us to "live, and not die", He will be "a help" against our enemies, "the beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him", He will bless us with the "best things", the "precious things", and still He blesses with abundance and hidden treasures. But then I forgot that I should be happy... who is like me? Someone saved by the Lord, who is my shield of help and my strength, that even His enemies shall submit to me...

So I try to remember some words of this hymn in moments like this...

I want a principle within of watchful godly fear,

A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near,

Help me the first approach to feel pride or wrong desire;

To catch the wandering of my will, And quench the kindling fire.

From Thee that I no more may stray, No more Thy goodness grieve,

Grant me the filial awe, I pray, The tender conscience give;

Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make!

Awake my soul when sin is nigh, And keep it still awake...

Seeking His Story

My story of today began when I opened my eyes and orientated myself. One thought came to mind (...I live for another day because of Your grace). As I lay there, I looked up to the ceiling, then to my left where my sister slept, and then to the right side where the clock was. Seven twenty. Then I decided to get up and read a devotional:

FEBRUARY 3

---

SILENCE BEFORE GOD

Do not be rash with your mouth,

And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God.

For God is in heaven, and you on earth;

Therefore let your words be few.

ECCLESIASTES 5:2

...So, humbled by our futile efforts, we are to enter God's presence

to receive a word from Him to do our bidding. We

are to adjust to His will, not ask Him to bless ours.

It is wonderful to offer God our praise and to express our needs,

but to leave His presence before He speaks is travesty.

Waiting upon the Lord and listening to Him are foundational

to our relationship with Him.

After reading the devotional, I pondered for a while (...what do You want to tell me?) and then I remembered the times that I had lost my voice, when all I could do was listen to Your words, Your story. I opened the Bible to my bookmark at Ezekiel 40 and read until I had finished chapter 43. A new city, a new temple, measurements, and many specifities, all the things that You wanted to show Ezekiel; one verse was highlighted-"...His voice was like the sound of many waters; and the earth shone with His glory" (...I want to hear the sound of Your voice. I long to see Your glory). So then I kneeled down to pray to ask for Your guidance and protection for them and me throughout the day (And I want to know how to I silence myself before You, and to listen to Your still small voice).

Then I got up; cleaned up; helped mom; prepared siblings; drove them to school; ate breakfast; practiced piano; went piano lesson; went to the shops; ran some errands; got home; did chores; met mom's manager; signed up a new job; ate lunch; helped mom with her errands; got home; did more errands; watched a movie with little sister; returned movies; bought snacks; got home; showered; ate dinner; went for youth bible study; got home; tutored little brother; helped little sister with homework; did my chinese homework; prayed with little sister; tucked her in; and now I sit here in contemplation. This is the story of one day of my life.

Everything that I accomplished throughout the day was because it was according to Your plan. And I wonder how Your plan will fulfill the beautiful story that You made before time and space. In the beginning, beyond time and space, You had already purposed this plan which included even you and me. Yet men choose to live under the bondage of sin and compare the world around them to their neighbour's for their desire to be indifferent, and that makes them feel proud, a sense of belonging, and belonging to what? To the world. But faith sets the hearts of men free, freedom in You. Then I remembered that "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

In silence before You, I desire to listen to Your story.

I Want to Remember

When you turn around and you look where you have walked along, it is dark and yet you are curious to wander around hoping that you might find something. And when you trip over something, you fall and it is so dark that you cannot find your way out. Then someone passes by you, they lend you a hand and you get up on your feet. As you walk along the path with this stranger, things seem so much more brighter ahead, and the things passed remain in the past.

Remember an old home scene of your childhood when your precious father and loving mother tended to you. In times of joy, the shedding of tears, when you wanted to ride your first bicycle, or when you wanted to eat your favourite foods, and even in times of sadness and sickness; they were there for you. Remember the days when you first started school, and she would accompany you for those first moments of an unfamiliar environment, away from home, separated from her presence. Remember those years of struggling with childhood and adulthood, when what everybody thought seemed to matter and the world just seemed so much more bigger. But it didn't matter because if you knew she said everything was going to be alright, that was all that mattered. Remember when you took your first journey alone, you arrived at an foreign yet familiar place where so many more memories were made. In times of singing, prayers being made, of quiet moments, and joyous events; they were there for you, moreover He was there too.

If you want to seek a treasure along the path that you have taken, it can be a dangerous journey to turn back. And when you want to remember things of the past, there can be dark corners that may still haunt you when you visit those old memories. But it will be worth it when you find that treasure because it will last you a long time for your journey ahead. As you ponder, your hope grows fonder, and precious memories will flood your soul. Though there is a more precious treasure here on this earth, and it lies not in the past.

The Light that Glows Within

As the sun was setting just now, its rays shined from the far west of the skies and beyond the east. As one walks underneath the fading blue, slightly tinged pink sky, you'd feel the rays of sun light embrace you; its light illumines all that you see that your eyes would cringe slightly. Still you'd desire to open your eyes and gaze upon its beautiful rays that gives you a sense of contentment, because you could see where your feet trodded and the path before you that you could walk on. Though the chilling breeze teases your skin, and the world passes you by, a slight pleasant scent lingers about you, and the sound of rustling leaves fills your ears, you'd only set your sight on the glow of the setting sun for its luminescence gives you a direction to walk in.

---

I often wonder what I want to do later,

and when later became now,

it would only be done tomorrow.

~

I would set goals for the moment,

and when I failed to achieve it,

it would only bring sorrow.

~

I would wonder in my heart,

what does this heart of mine feel,

does it quench the fire in me?

~

I should know that in my heart,

there dwells a light that hopes to glow,

that it might set the hearts of others free.

~

I want to seek the source of this light,

and I desire to know this light of mine,

that I may follow the narrow path before my feet.

~

I will read and write with Him for as long as I can,

and abide with Him by obeying His words,

and I will tell Him more each time we meet.

~

I will try to share more of this light of mine,

in daily deeds and words written or said,

and so the light that glows within might direct.

Wishful Thoughts

ごども (in the picture) = means child

As a little girl, she often wished for many things. From the first time she could remember what she wished for, she had wished to play together with her cousin forever. She remembered a time when she saw that every child's parents had come to see their work in pre-school, and so she always wished that her parents would come see her and her accomplishments. In her early primary schooling years, she gained three best friends and she wished that they had stayed best friends forever. When she reached the latter years of secondary schooling, she wished for an end to life.

Then when the little girl finally grew up a little more, she realised that wishful thoughts were vain. She came across a verse one day: "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child...". There is something better than wishing, for wishful thoughts are only desires of things seen in this world. Now she hopes; and hope is looking forward to something with a desire that it will happen. Hope is more than believing in things of the world, but it pertains to things that are eternal.

Sometimes she still wishes for this and that, because it gives her a momentum in life for the next chapter of life. Her momentums are filled by sharing precious memories with people, spending times playing games with people, doing things that need to be done, and creating something meaningful for someone. At other times, walking underneath a clear or cloudy sky, gazing at the stars and a full moon once in a while, a good read, listening to peaceful music, reminiscing photos or memories, and other little things pass the moments.

Today, while shaping the sand sculpture at the beach with family and friends was just a nice pastime she thought, she put aside wishful thoughts for the moment and hoped for more.

Picking up the Pen Again

For a long time I did not know,
What is the purpose of my posts?
I choose words that may tell a story.
I choose stories that make up my life.

For a long time I did not know,
Why am I different from others?
God chose me.
And it is my choice to be who I am.

For a long time I did not know,
What is the purpose in my life?
To live is Christ and to die is gain.
Only have faith, hope and love...

For a long time I did not know,
Did I have a heart?
Though my heart was cold as stone,
He filled it with life and love.

For a long time I did not know,
What was my heartbeat?
My life is not my own,
But precious memories shaped each heartbeat in my life.

For a long time I did not know,
How to see afar of that home?
Every prayer and Word of God shared together,
Gives me more hope in seeing the unseen.

For a long time I did not know,
How to walk along the narrow way?
I have to live with a passion to seek Him first.
I can never forget about my beloveds.

For a long time I did not know,
how to write with Him?
I will pick up the pen,
And share with you of His of love.