When I was young, I used to dream of wanting to be married to my childhood playmate (playtime games). And we'd imagine we were animals, or we'd have imaginary friends, or we pretend to be cartoon superheroes, or anime and manga characters, or we'd act in a role play game.
We'd imagine so many games to play, so many things we'd like to be. But, as we got older, dreams became childish play, and I guess I stopped dreaming. There were things that I remember I told my grandma or my mom that I'd like to be when I grow up, and when I think back, I wonder why?
My grandma is like my hero to me, a strong and courageous woman that I aspire to be like. She married at an age a year younger than what I am currently now (two decades old), and she didn't even know who her groom was, neither did her groom know her until that wedded date. She worked hard after that and had many bitter moments, yet she was an obedient and submissive daughter and wife. She is a loving and caring mother and grandma too, and she always tells us that a girl ought to be able take care of her household.
I remember when I was little, I told her I would like to be a dentist so I could take care of teeth. She was laughed in agreement, wouldn't that be nice she said. Now I am nowhere near becoming a dentist, yet my grandma still approves of what I am doing now. I realised, that my time with her was all that she wanted, nothing more, and I am closer to fulfilling my dream knowing that I have the time to take care of her simple needs.
My mom would have to be like my best friend if not just a mom. After all, she did tell me it was hard to utter the first words to her firstborn child and it goes something like this: "Mama is here, don't cry". She never did manage, but she did try. Now she tells me, it felt really weird to repeat that line after grandma. So it was grandma who saves the day.
So I remember telling my mom I wanted to be so many things. A graphic designer? An architect? A hairdresser? All art-related subjects knowing that my mom encouraged anything artsy because she was quite the designer herself, in fact she did a string of odd jobs in the art-related field of creating and designing. And was I to aspire to be like her, maybe I had her same drive flowing through my blood? No. I gave up and threw it all away when I hit walls and complained I wasn't creative when forced to be. Nevertheless, she helped me through all the way and what I learnt from the journey down that road is that common interests allows for more quality time together.
Maybe this last dream wasn't so childish and I actually thought I was all grown up when I made the decision. I wanted to be a podiatrist. Why? Because I want to. Hmm...not really. Because my friend told me so. So much of me wanted to believe I made the decision for myself, my future. I could help people-elderly people with problem feet or children with bad shoes. I could earn quite a living and build up a nice reputation for myself as the not-quite-doctor but close enough anyways. The only thing was, this was my friend's dream, not mine. I only wanted to accompany her as far as I could go because she was a close friend.
Now I wonder is there any time left for a childish dream? Whatever has happened, it has been a extraordinary journey up until this point. And I think...yes, there is time to dream some more, but there must be also time to make them come true.
No comments:
Post a Comment