A Picture of Love

This little girl smiled at me with a big sweet smile,
with her adorable bright eyes looking into mine.
At that moment we were only standing around,
but together with each other we had found.


She didn't seem to mind what we did,
she only wanted someone to talk to and play with.
So we walked around and around the building,
until we thought we felt like doing something.


We picked up some pen and paper,
and started doodling and scribbling some lines.
We laughed and we talked and who knows what we drew,
but those moments like these seem more and more few.


When I was a child I remembered to have fun,
to laugh and play games and move on.
There seems to come a time when you forget,
how to laugh and play and live life without regret.


At first I didn't know what to do with the pencil,
and I thought I had forgotten how I ever drew.
So I drew a picture of her and she drew a picture of me,
and we showed each other our pictures with giggles and glee.


In class we learnt about a story of love,
a love that is true and a love that abounds.
A love that is willing to follow always,
so willing to follow until the end of days.


So I wondered how to draw a picture of love?
Is it confined in only the space of a little heart?
Then the little girl showed me her picture,
a heart with filled with smiles and words so sure...

I Will Go With You All the Way

F inally fulfilling a goal that j & d wished for and hoped for makes them feel full of energy!

A t the time they had reached j house, d was already puffing.

M akes you think how slow they rode to wait for d, and how far j was ahead.

I n d's m i n d . . s h e w a s s a y i n g a l l t h e w a y . . g o a l l t h e w a y.

L egs moving, lungs puffing, laughing in between gasps of breath.

Y ou know you want to join the next ride (:

Write it Down..

To: Insecurity

I could not bring myself to write ..this ..down, because I am afraid of this part of my life: insecurity. If I write it down, I have admitted to it that, I feel insecure. And its something that I have tried to run away from, but I have decided to stay and fight for this little while.

Every time you go out to an unfamiliar place or meet new people, one should feel insecure, but when you visit familiar places and meet with the same people that you have known all your life.. should this feeling of insecurity still remain? When you are alone but seemingly safe in your room at home or at work, should there be a sense of insecurity at all? Still trying to look for somewhere to feel safe, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near this place.

I have always hated this feeling, it lingers in my heart causing it to be dark as the eerie night and poisons my mind with thoughts of deceit that I can never trust anyone, even myself. At times you can ignore it, and continue to live out your life because of the providance of security offered by those close to me. It is when you are alone or even when you are surrounded by people, it is this feeling of separation or not being able to connect to the world. When you realise it, you can overcome it by fleeing from it, far from it and return home where it is safe and sound. However, I am most afraid of the times when I am lost in it, when I walk around in endless circles, and there doesn't seem to be any hope in finding the will to keep going.

That is when I ask, "What do you want from me?" And I would hope for an end to it all because there would be no answer in the pitch black darkness, only a cold whispering that causes your spine to tremble, your skin to itch, and your body to shiver. But there was this small light, this little fire that still burned in the distance, and if I could take a step closer to it, it would be enough to keep me going.

Then there would be a familiar book that appeared along the way, and to the question I just asked before, there was the answer in bold print. I know I have read it before but I had forgot, and out of my self-righteousness and despise of myself, I directed the question to the wrong person. All You want.. all You want is for me to love You.

It doesn't matter where you are, but be still and quiet. And to be still and quiet doesn't mean to be timid and insecure. One day, those bystanders in our lives can tell us things that pierce our hearts, and setback our minds or even our lives, in just a little moment, with only a few words or deed. But all that He wants from us is to trust in Him, confide in Him and hope to return home where it is safe. Next time I ask, "What do you want from me?".. I had better ask the right person but rather, I should think it over and remain silent.

The Missing Piece

One day a little girl set out in search of the missing piece...


She was missing a piece to her story; the piece to her heart. So many blanks appeared in her story that she wanted to fill up. She only wanted to reach the conclusion and write those two words: "the end". And while she searched for her missing piece, she found herself at the beginning again. She thought she had known what friendship with God was. And when she thought she had found Him, she still found herself asking Him why all this emptiness.

She asked Him what was His purpose for her... what was His plan for her... question after question after question. And every time she thought she had found the missing piece, it never fit, neither in the blanks of her story, nor within the hole in her heart. However, it wasn't about looking for the missing piece, but it was about knowing who she was and ultimately, knowing who He is.

He is the author of this story. He writes every word in her life with a genuine love and a heart of sincerity. He gives her tests to refine her, and He gives her joy that she may be able to smile and laugh with those around her. He is the One who is near to her heart, as He is to yours. And He blesses her, so that those around her are blessed too.

To share His love with others, she had to find herself. She had to forgive herself, she had to be able to love herself, she had to be okay with being alone, and she had to start getting to know herself, and appreciate who she was. She is her own missing piece, and no one else's nor is anything or anyone her missing piece. Only when she knows that she is no longer a missing piece, then she will realise that she is her own and He fills the hole in her heart. Still she must continue on the journey to write this story as she lives, learns, and grows, and she hopes this for others as well.

Life without Jesus is like a donut because there's whole in the middle of our hearts. And one day that missing piece will no longer be a missing piece because it will become round just like a donut, except it will be whole.

That Still Small Voice

Before the day's agenda had began,
He had warned me again and again.
Whether great or small,
or seemingly nothing at all,
sin is sin and it must be eradicated,
lest anything or anyone be contaminated.

And as the day's agenda was fulfilled,
the many tasks at hand were completed.
Still, the still small voice whispered it,
and all I had to do was heed it.
And yet obedience is an ability,
that I have yet to subject to in humility.

In the shadow of the passing of the day,
a little member began straying from the narrow way.
My little tongue uttered things unknowingly,
but I did think to bridle it self-controllingly,
and everything that was in my way,
felt its wrath without delay.

At sunset, the ending of Sabbath day,
and I sit here in regret for the things I say.
I knew He was there in that moment,
and still I broke His heart with bitter torment.
Yet I felt nothing, not a pain to feel it near,
while I know He feels everything in tear.

The day still passed on late into the night,
and that small voice drowned as the fading of light.
One word was uttered, two or more,
and still much more was added until ears were sore.
In the midst of all the hustling and bustling,
I found myself lost and carried away by this jostling.

Be still now, I know He whispers for the day has ended,
and now I know that much must be amended.
I know, You want to tell me in Your gentle loving voice,
that I must guard my heart and be careful with every choice.
However, I'd turn away from obeying Your laws-
stubborn, rebellious, and abounding in flaws.

The dawning of another day awaits,
and I look into my heart with fear and hate.
Why do you stray as a wild untamed beast;
your thoughts, your feelings are vented in haste.
Why not be swift to hear and slow to speak,
and wait for that still small voice that you yearn to seek.

---

Tired... a long day of Sabbath rest and reunion dinner... after greeting person after person, eating dish after dish, playing game after game... just trying to pick up the pieces that I can remember... all I can recollect is laughter, loud voices, loads of food, and feelings of light-headedness... it was a blessed day and a joyous reunion dinner... but there's a feeling of discontentment, as if something is missing...

What Can I Give to You

What can I give to you, and to You?

.. a question that has been on my mind and in my heart,

and so I sought an answer in the knowledge of the world,

and in the wisdom of Your words.

I looked for words to express myself,

but I could not find any.

When I simply turned to Your words,

I was overwhelmed to find many.

The first book I opened to was Your words:

"You are the children of the Lord your God...

For you are a holy people to the Lord your God,

and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for Himself,

a special treasure above all the peoples who are on

the face of the earth..."

-Book of Deuteronomy-

I rushed the rest of Your letter,

in hope that You would give me grace.

And for the moments that I thought You would guide,

my heart and mind could only flow with this wordly race.

I opened the second book of the day:

Children Learn What They live

---

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child loves with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child loves with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

Author unknown

I stopped and a tear fell from my eye,
and I thought about what I was doing.

I have given You nothing except defiance,

and yet You give me everything.

I picked up the next book and opened it:

"O Lord make me a servant!"

---

God doesn't expect you to be the greatest teacher.

God wants you to be a servant,

do the best you can,

and have faith that He will do the impossible.

-Teacher's Guide-

I felt as though I had only woken up,

and as though someone was whispering to me.

Before I opened my eyes this morning,

I was deceived by Satan yet again but You set me free.

I opened another book that I had forgotten to read:

FEBRUARY 11

---

WHOLEHEARTED REPENTANCE

"Now, therefore," says the Lord,

"Turn to me with all your heart,

With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning."...

Then the Lord will be zealous for His land,

And pity His people.

JOEL 2:12,18

-Discovering God's Daily Agenda-

I have failed time and time again,

to answer to Your calling day by day.

Yet I expect You to answer me when I call to You,

and then I forget to listen to Your answer in the day.

So I continued turning the pages of some more books:

It is the teacher's mission...

by sympathy, by example, and by every means of infleunce-

to excite the mind of the pupils, to stimulate their thoughts

... The greatest of teachers said:

"the seed is the word."

The true teacher

stirs

the

ground

and sows the seed.

-John Milton Gregory-

I thought it is not about what I can give to You,
neither Your words and answers, nor Your calls that I did not heed.
I thought about a simple story statement:
To bring love and hope to everyone who reads my story through word and deed.

I look to the book that lies by my side:

The true function of

the teacher is to create the most favourable

conditions for self-learning... True teaching is not that

which gives knowledge, but that which stimulates

pupils to gain it. One might say that

he teaches

best

who

teaches
least.

-John Milton Gregory-

I know You are my Father, my Teacher and my Friend,

and all You want us to know is that You are there, always...

Just remember to live, learn and love,

and know that He is there for you too, always.

A Father Who Cares

the student : I want to go home now!
the teacher : Well, when you finish your work then you can go...
the student : I want to die.
the teacher : Life is precious, you should be careful what you say.
the student : Nobody cares about me.
the teacher : Of course people care about you, like your mom, that's why you are here.
the student : Nobody likes me. I don't have any friends. My family doesn't like me either.
the teacher : I am your friend and your teacher. I am sure you have friends.
And I am sure your family loves you. Why don't you help your mom at home then?
Or make a coffee for your dad?
the student : I don't have a dad. He doesn't care about me.


Who cares?... Something that you and I can utter so easily, as if the breaths we exhale.
In moments of distress or idleness, these words that you and I may breathe are like poison to our hearts and minds. Our minds would be clouded with ill thoughts and ours heart may feel hard and heavy, cold as stone. Yet it is so easy to for the tongue to say such idle words: "Who cares".

Our Father in heaven cares, though we may not see. "The Father's eyes are concentrated on our hearts, and His hands hold it firmly but gently. He waits patiently for the impurities to be burnt away. He knows the heart is ready when He sees Himself in it long at last". And every pen mark or ink spot He makes is perfect, beautiful in its time. Every word that He speaks to us, tells us we are special, we are His chosen people-".. the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth" (Deutronomy 7:6). Every word that He wrote in our lives is "for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day" (Deutronomy 6:24). If we by any means forget our Father's words and do otherwise; if we would not be obedient to the voice of our Father, then how will we ever see Him face to face?

Our stories may seem so dull at the moment when someone, or everyone doesn't seem to care about us. We skim through life's pages, overlooking the fine details that people have cared to imprint in our lives. Impatient, we want to take hold of the pen and write our own story, but the voice tells us to wait because He cares for us, and He has always cared for us. Obey, and in this season of waiting, something more beautiful will unfold before our eyes when He reveals it to us.

If we care about our the reflection in the mirror when we walk into the bathroom in the mornings; if we care about what we wear; if we care about the what goes on our bread for breakfast; if we care about what others think about us; then shouldn't we all the more, care for others? By caring for others, waiting in this period of time will seem more meaningful and purposeful. By praying for others, they may also hope in returning home, to our Father. For nothing is better for us than to rejoice, and to do good in our lives, and also that every one of us should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all our labor-it is the gift of God (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13).

This was what He had written today...

FEBRUARY 8
---
MERCY AND GRACE

I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor,
and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because
I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
And the the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant.

1 TIMOTHY 1:13-14

"Peanut butter and jelly. Forks and spoons.
Mercy and grace. Some things just go together-
and, thankfully, mercy and grace are such a pair
in the kingdom of God.To obtain mercy means
'to receive exemption from the punishment that
one deserves." And every one of us deserves
punishment for our sins.. God doesn't rank sin.
Sin is sin, and all who sin-and that's everyone-
deserves the punishment of separation from God
forever.

...Whereas mercy is undeserved punishment withheld,
grace is undeserved favor bestowed. Our loving God
hasn't given us what we sinners rightly deserve.
Instead He has freely offered salvation through Jesus,
who took our sin upon Himself.

...Cups and saucers. Salt and pepper. And, yes, mercy
and grace. Some things go together perfectly.

Thank You, Lord!"

Strength Made Perfect in Weakness

... "You say: I can't do it...

God says: You can do all things"...

I woke up this morning and uttered a sound,
still it sounded husky and raspy.
How long has it been I wondered;
why has my voice not fully recovered?

I have waited so long to regain my voice,

to reclaim what I had lost for months.

Why do You do this to me I ask-

what is the meaning of this loss?

I have listened for Your still small voice,

and still I do not know the sound of it.

What is the purpose of this lesson-

why has it been dragged on and on?

I know now I am so weak,

that pride still lurks within me.

And though I try to flee from sin,

my feet still run towards its luring.

I say I am afraid of pride,

and I ask Him to take it away from me.

But in every dark corner of my heart,

there lies a hint of Satan's darkest darts.

I know my own weaknesses and strengths,

and I know God knows of them too.

However there are three beings that know me,

and Satan is one who can also see.

I try to avoid my strengths,

in hope that I may flee from pride.

But if I do not know what humility means,

I know not what submissiveness deems.

I may play with words and write something nice,

but if God does not will it then how can I write?

And when I think that this post is something,

I have to remember that I am nothing.

I am only a pen and an earthen vessel;

He can fill me with ink and with His gifts.

And I can sing, and write, and laugh, and love,

because my strength comes from He who is above.

Keep Me As the Apple of Your Eye

Do you know that the apple of your eye...

is the most sensitive part of your eye?

If anyone or anything were to touch your eye,

you would naturally protect your eye.

But he who touches you touches the apple of His eye.

I did not understand what it meant when God said,

He will keep us as the apple of His eye.

And now I know that I am as the apple of His eye.

I am afraid that I will forget His teachings, that one day I might forsake my first love and forget all the things He has done for me. I know as days go on and time passes by, my heart may stray far from God and then His ways may seem puzzling, His guidance is less important, His voice will be muted, and His word-even if I read it-will seem strange. I think that God is always there for me, but I take Him for granted. My sins will distance me away from God that I may not find Him.

And when I remember, the nation of Israel journeyed through the wilderness, many times they had forsaken God, and many times God forgave them. He had found them in a desert land and in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled them and instructed them, He kept them as the apple of His eye (Deuternomy 32:10). Yes, He loves His people, cherished above all others, precious in His sight-and He loves even you and me. And when I read the love letter (Deutronomy 33) that God wrote to His people, it really is beautiful... He tells us to "live, and not die", He will be "a help" against our enemies, "the beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him", He will bless us with the "best things", the "precious things", and still He blesses with abundance and hidden treasures. But then I forgot that I should be happy... who is like me? Someone saved by the Lord, who is my shield of help and my strength, that even His enemies shall submit to me...

So I try to remember some words of this hymn in moments like this...

I want a principle within of watchful godly fear,

A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near,

Help me the first approach to feel pride or wrong desire;

To catch the wandering of my will, And quench the kindling fire.

From Thee that I no more may stray, No more Thy goodness grieve,

Grant me the filial awe, I pray, The tender conscience give;

Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make!

Awake my soul when sin is nigh, And keep it still awake...

Seeking His Story

My story of today began when I opened my eyes and orientated myself. One thought came to mind (...I live for another day because of Your grace). As I lay there, I looked up to the ceiling, then to my left where my sister slept, and then to the right side where the clock was. Seven twenty. Then I decided to get up and read a devotional:

FEBRUARY 3

---

SILENCE BEFORE GOD

Do not be rash with your mouth,

And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God.

For God is in heaven, and you on earth;

Therefore let your words be few.

ECCLESIASTES 5:2

...So, humbled by our futile efforts, we are to enter God's presence

to receive a word from Him to do our bidding. We

are to adjust to His will, not ask Him to bless ours.

It is wonderful to offer God our praise and to express our needs,

but to leave His presence before He speaks is travesty.

Waiting upon the Lord and listening to Him are foundational

to our relationship with Him.

After reading the devotional, I pondered for a while (...what do You want to tell me?) and then I remembered the times that I had lost my voice, when all I could do was listen to Your words, Your story. I opened the Bible to my bookmark at Ezekiel 40 and read until I had finished chapter 43. A new city, a new temple, measurements, and many specifities, all the things that You wanted to show Ezekiel; one verse was highlighted-"...His voice was like the sound of many waters; and the earth shone with His glory" (...I want to hear the sound of Your voice. I long to see Your glory). So then I kneeled down to pray to ask for Your guidance and protection for them and me throughout the day (And I want to know how to I silence myself before You, and to listen to Your still small voice).

Then I got up; cleaned up; helped mom; prepared siblings; drove them to school; ate breakfast; practiced piano; went piano lesson; went to the shops; ran some errands; got home; did chores; met mom's manager; signed up a new job; ate lunch; helped mom with her errands; got home; did more errands; watched a movie with little sister; returned movies; bought snacks; got home; showered; ate dinner; went for youth bible study; got home; tutored little brother; helped little sister with homework; did my chinese homework; prayed with little sister; tucked her in; and now I sit here in contemplation. This is the story of one day of my life.

Everything that I accomplished throughout the day was because it was according to Your plan. And I wonder how Your plan will fulfill the beautiful story that You made before time and space. In the beginning, beyond time and space, You had already purposed this plan which included even you and me. Yet men choose to live under the bondage of sin and compare the world around them to their neighbour's for their desire to be indifferent, and that makes them feel proud, a sense of belonging, and belonging to what? To the world. But faith sets the hearts of men free, freedom in You. Then I remembered that "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

In silence before You, I desire to listen to Your story.

I Want to Remember

When you turn around and you look where you have walked along, it is dark and yet you are curious to wander around hoping that you might find something. And when you trip over something, you fall and it is so dark that you cannot find your way out. Then someone passes by you, they lend you a hand and you get up on your feet. As you walk along the path with this stranger, things seem so much more brighter ahead, and the things passed remain in the past.

Remember an old home scene of your childhood when your precious father and loving mother tended to you. In times of joy, the shedding of tears, when you wanted to ride your first bicycle, or when you wanted to eat your favourite foods, and even in times of sadness and sickness; they were there for you. Remember the days when you first started school, and she would accompany you for those first moments of an unfamiliar environment, away from home, separated from her presence. Remember those years of struggling with childhood and adulthood, when what everybody thought seemed to matter and the world just seemed so much more bigger. But it didn't matter because if you knew she said everything was going to be alright, that was all that mattered. Remember when you took your first journey alone, you arrived at an foreign yet familiar place where so many more memories were made. In times of singing, prayers being made, of quiet moments, and joyous events; they were there for you, moreover He was there too.

If you want to seek a treasure along the path that you have taken, it can be a dangerous journey to turn back. And when you want to remember things of the past, there can be dark corners that may still haunt you when you visit those old memories. But it will be worth it when you find that treasure because it will last you a long time for your journey ahead. As you ponder, your hope grows fonder, and precious memories will flood your soul. Though there is a more precious treasure here on this earth, and it lies not in the past.

The Light that Glows Within

As the sun was setting just now, its rays shined from the far west of the skies and beyond the east. As one walks underneath the fading blue, slightly tinged pink sky, you'd feel the rays of sun light embrace you; its light illumines all that you see that your eyes would cringe slightly. Still you'd desire to open your eyes and gaze upon its beautiful rays that gives you a sense of contentment, because you could see where your feet trodded and the path before you that you could walk on. Though the chilling breeze teases your skin, and the world passes you by, a slight pleasant scent lingers about you, and the sound of rustling leaves fills your ears, you'd only set your sight on the glow of the setting sun for its luminescence gives you a direction to walk in.

---

I often wonder what I want to do later,

and when later became now,

it would only be done tomorrow.

~

I would set goals for the moment,

and when I failed to achieve it,

it would only bring sorrow.

~

I would wonder in my heart,

what does this heart of mine feel,

does it quench the fire in me?

~

I should know that in my heart,

there dwells a light that hopes to glow,

that it might set the hearts of others free.

~

I want to seek the source of this light,

and I desire to know this light of mine,

that I may follow the narrow path before my feet.

~

I will read and write with Him for as long as I can,

and abide with Him by obeying His words,

and I will tell Him more each time we meet.

~

I will try to share more of this light of mine,

in daily deeds and words written or said,

and so the light that glows within might direct.

Wishful Thoughts

ごども (in the picture) = means child

As a little girl, she often wished for many things. From the first time she could remember what she wished for, she had wished to play together with her cousin forever. She remembered a time when she saw that every child's parents had come to see their work in pre-school, and so she always wished that her parents would come see her and her accomplishments. In her early primary schooling years, she gained three best friends and she wished that they had stayed best friends forever. When she reached the latter years of secondary schooling, she wished for an end to life.

Then when the little girl finally grew up a little more, she realised that wishful thoughts were vain. She came across a verse one day: "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child...". There is something better than wishing, for wishful thoughts are only desires of things seen in this world. Now she hopes; and hope is looking forward to something with a desire that it will happen. Hope is more than believing in things of the world, but it pertains to things that are eternal.

Sometimes she still wishes for this and that, because it gives her a momentum in life for the next chapter of life. Her momentums are filled by sharing precious memories with people, spending times playing games with people, doing things that need to be done, and creating something meaningful for someone. At other times, walking underneath a clear or cloudy sky, gazing at the stars and a full moon once in a while, a good read, listening to peaceful music, reminiscing photos or memories, and other little things pass the moments.

Today, while shaping the sand sculpture at the beach with family and friends was just a nice pastime she thought, she put aside wishful thoughts for the moment and hoped for more.