Songs of Homecoming

Song of Ascent, the First


In my distress I cried...

Here I am,
O Lord,
barefaced, undisguised,
half a dozen people in one.

You see plainly
I sew no feeble fig leaf to cover
the divisive beings within me.

In my distress I cried..

Here I am:
I rage animal anger,
I swell in dark, fierce pride,
I lust for drunk pleasures,
I hate in my jealous heart and
I curse and lie with a foul bile that's
lodged deep within my belly.

And here I am again:
a monster crouched,
a shadow supplicating.
a child of darkness
who knows his place
belongs should be tucked away
in unknown corners,
invisible to all,
invisible to You.

And yet,
grotesque though I may be,
I still creep out with the
far-flung hope that You will be here;
do not reject me entirely.

For there is
this one last
part of me
O Lord,
that urges me to
Your presence.

One last
tender part
that now whispers
my guilt to You.

Salvage this part
Save me from who I am.
For I cannot escape
the well of myself.

My heart strains,
longs to speak,

My soul yearns,
longs to breathe.

I beg You,
Lord,
will You be my Lord?

Teach me your ascent.

Manna Issue 49: After God's Heart
...

Why am I different from others?

The Key to Peace

The Key to Peace
TJC website

"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. "
(Prov 15:18)

...A patient person is like a stream whose incessant flow can quench the burning fires and calm an inflamed heart.

...The famous philosopher Socrates was known for his good character. Although he married a hot-tempered wife, he was always able to contain himself. One day, his wife had a fit of rage and opposed him with a stern voice and countenance, looking as if she would swallow him alive. Seeing no reaction from Socrates, she picked up a bucket of water and poured it over his head, making him wet all over. Socrates, looking up as though nothing had happened, said, “Heavy rain follows loud thunder.”

Socrates’ gentle attitude enabled him to live with a hot-tempered woman...patience is the fountain of peace.

...strive to be gentle people...work upon the higher principle of returning good for evil...build up the kingdom of peace upon earth.
.......................

How can you learn to be more patient and gentle?
If I were to ask God to grant me patience I know the answer would be "No". Patience is learned with every small event that pushes our ability to wait. I remember when I was a child, waiting in line to play on the slide seemed so long..doing one sheet of homework seemed endless..writing an essay was accompanied by continuous procrastination, so it seemed better if I never started.

Too many tasks require patience yet no one has time for it unless they are paid. Peace seems like a rare value to find in the world because people do not have the key to it. The world seems to hide the key away from people's grasps that they might forget it and never know there was such a thing as peace.

Seeking the key is a long journey, but it is worth it..the first place I'd look for it would be around the people closest to home. After that I'd look for it in places that are like home before I venture out into the world. Wait..

Spend time..

waffles, whipped cream, maple syrup

and gelare ice-cream..

the best (:
never too young or old to go down the slide..

or go on the swing..

enjoying the moment..

Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6

Life handbook 2009

........................

At first when I was reading this goal at the beginning of the year, I did not understand why; why these two groups? So I set out to discover why, and I guess I want to tell you what I discovered..

With people over the age of 70, they have so much wisdom to share or childhood memories. It's amazing what some of them have accomplished, and even they may appear fragile, their hearts are strong and they are willing to try new things. I needed learn to listen to them, to be accepting, and to never show partiality to the elderly neither despise them. Strangely, I never thought they would enjoy these little outings or things that we usually do, even taking the bus or train is an adventure to them!

It's what a little child would want to, I think, because the world around them is much bigger than they are that to be able to be shown outside of home is an adventure.

down south

..warm up by the fire..
..am I a rose?..

..mummies are the best..

..steamboat by the sunset..

..come and look afar..

..hahs..

..row row row your boat gently down the stream.. ..sisterly love, absorbing the sunset..

..while we were rowing our boats, we captured this scene..

..what is everybody holding?..

..lollipops, they say it makes us children..

..pictures behind the pink flowers..

Some things are just meant to be seen and impossible to capture. I could describe to you that the night that we stayed there was a warm heartful night. Playing games together, rowing boats, strolling through the forest and stargazing. Its only once in so long, but a worthwhile trip that makes you so know who is there for you and what family means. I only wish I could show you..

Today

Today

This is the beginning of a new day
God has given me this day to use
as I will.
I can waste it ... or use it
for good.
But what I do today is important
because
I am exchanging a day of my life
for it.
When tomorrow comes,
This day will be gone forever.
Leaving in its place
something that I have traded for it.
I want it to be gain and not loss
Good and not evil
Success and not failure.
In order that I shall not regret,
the price that I have paid for it.
.....

When I live with a purpose, a goal and a direction in life, the way ahead so much brighter while the load seems lighter. When all is quiet and I am all alone, it seems dark and cold.. but some how it all works out for the better, and someone comes along at the right time or something happens at that moment..

running away

I feel as if I am still running;
running away from people,
away from my responsibilities,
away from who I am.
I cant run fast enough, I cant even run far,
and I am already tired.

I need to finish this race,
to search for a new direction,
and set another goal to get me somewhere else .

give me oil

Give me oil in my lamp,
keep me burning.
Keep me burning til the break of day.

the lazy man

some proverbs.

The soul of a lazy man desires,

and has nothing;

But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.

The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns,

But the way of the upright is a highway.

Laziness casts one into deep sleep,

And an idle person will suffer hunger.

A lazy man buries his hand in the bowl,

And will not so much as bring it to his mouth again.

The lazy man will not plow because of winter;

He will beg during harvest and have nothing.

The desire of the lazy man kills him,

For his hands refuse to labour.

The lazy man says,

'There is a lion outside!

I shall be slain in the streets!'

The lazy man says,

'There is a lion in the road!

A fierce lion is in the streets!'

As a door turns on its hinges,

So does the lazy man on his bed.

The lazy man buries his hand in the bowl;

It wearies him to bring it back to his mouth.

The lazy man is wiser in his own eyes

Than seven men who can answer sensibly.

tell me more..

Well this is how another day passed by.. when I think back to yesterday I felt like so many things were not according to plan, that is my plan for the day.

I had planned for a bbq, but then it rained
I had planned for so and so to come, but then other guests came
I had planned to help my mom, but time was against me
I planned to do some activities, but then an unexpected phone call arrives..

The phone call was not even for me (mom's friend), just someone who wanted a bystander's opinion. At first I was reluctant to answer it, to even talk to some stranger, as the day had already gone not according to plan. I was annoyed but I had to take it. At first I wondered why the aunty asked so many questions about my experience, but then to my surprise I talked to her for an hour. A stranger told me so many things that she observed about my mother's smile and her sincerity when chatting with people. I had already taken the half the day for granted, just hoping that one of my plan succeeds but then I remembered there is only one plan that will work.

When someone tells me things I have never heard of, read of, or observed, I just wish they could tell me more. If only there was time for people to listen and a time for people to stay, planning would be easier. The world just seems to rush as everyone has their own plans, their own things to do..

please reflect, not describe

So I found my classroom and to my disappointment..it's going to be another draggy tutorial. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever just get straight with the topic and let us out early, because I really am not learning anything. I pay more attention to the amount of jewellery and the brand names of the drink bottles belonging to the people on my table than to her. I guess one thing did strike me.. can I teach? So many different impressions can be made on a child in their lives, but what part shall I make?

Ive forgotten so many things that teachers have taught me, most are taken for granted and lost in memories but the most memorable events would be what one teacher did for us and what another teacher reminded me of.. One teacher took us out to but seeds and plant a flower, to nurture it and watch it grow and she wrote messages to us and replied our entries of what we did during the week or two..nice to be able to pass notes and have someone reply. The other teacher just reminded me to never ever forget again to handed in an assignment on time, let alone hand in an assignment at all, but it was my first assignment and i didnt even know what the word meant. I guess from those two experiences i learnt from one to hand in something substantial and on TIME, and the other would be to enjoy a teacher's company because they can be our friends.

it's strange how role reversal can bring in a whole other perspective. it's really does take time to think and reflect instead of just telling stories or describing events of the day to someone..

character or christian?

I never thot of blogs as a recount of reflections.

I have never thought much of blogging. It's just some "things" that happened that day or that moment, and because of this mindset, I guess my character hasn't changed much at all because I have no goals and determination since there is no "reflection". Strangely when I went to class today, I learnt about "reflective thinking" and one quote hit me..

.."reflection without action is not really reflection at all but just a recording of experiences." ..."Action is considered to give added purpose to the purpose to the reflection in that it allows you to move forward towards a deeper understanding of your experiences and the learning taking place."

Then it goes on to say that students can imitate something their teacher does, but all they are doing is conforming and adapting to the habit or routine of their teaching whether good or bad. And it seems true enough even with children and parents, friends and colleagues that we follow what other people do because that is normal or that is the routine.

Reflection seems to be something that many people grow out of once they start working due to a lack of time or they just have other things going on. But as a Christian, I should be doing this, constantly nurturing myself and now it is something that my character must also do. I am just in wonder how far can I go?

hidden love

"Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed."

(Proverbs 27:5)

(TJC site..)

Worldly love is mostly superficial and self-seeking. It doesn’t have much value. For love is neither a piece of commercial advertisement nor a business transaction. Love should be sincere and freely given, without any expectation of return.

O, the beauty of hidden love! One that persists in loving others without their knowledge, and one that gives without expecting anything in return. How pure and magnanimous! Let us not ask, “How much hidden love have I received?” But rather ask, “How much hidden love have I given to others?” Imagine how beautiful this world would be if everyone had such a noble heart!

Hidden love is difficult to come by, but even rarer is a love that is willing to openly rebuke. Hidden love requires only a kind and merciful heart, but open rebuke takes moral courage.

Deep in the night, when my child kicked away his quilt, his mother would lovingly cover him again. When he made a mistake, she would chide him openly with several words of moral teaching. These incidents would remind me of my mother’s love during my own childhood—a hidden love coupled with open rebuke. They are fond memories that are long past. It is a depth of love I have missed and yearned to receive again.

Slander is sordid behavior, but open rebuke comes from sincerity. If we were to make a careful observation of those around us, we would be surprised to learn how many people backbite, but do not have the honesty to rebuke openly!

Someone who dares to rebuke us openly is difficult to come by. We should encourage ourselves to cultivate a loving heart with moral courage. True love enables us to correct the faults of our brothers and sisters in a positive manner. It enables our church to progress and better resemble the household of God.

During these cold winter days, it feels as though Iit is a struggle to stay warm and in attempting to, I have become like an animal.. As I observed our new little family pet, Momo Jordan.. all she does is eat, sleep, run, and poop. All a guinea pig needs is a little food, shelter, and company. And then I think.. am I an animal? am I comparable to an animal? Because this winter period I have been doing just that.

But somehow it seems as if a whispering voice constantly reminds us that because we have life, we are not animals and neither are we of this world. Though we have a body, and blood and food to sustain us, we are nothing like animals because of one precious thing that our Father gave us. He gave us the breathe of life, a soul, so that we have a consience to love, learn and know things. And the greatest gift He gave us is love.

Sometimes I forget what love is.. but love can be the simple greeting to a fellow brother or sister, a warm-hearted smile, or visiting a sick or weaker brother or sister. Love is patient and is kind; love does not envy; love is not proud, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1 Cor 13:4-11)

During this mid-year youth camp retreat, the theme was "Who are You really?" but another question I want to ask too is who am I? And do I know where to find hidden love, this gift that gives meaning to a part of me?

The half that has never been told.

People Need the Lord

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For peo-ple need the Lord.

People need the Lord.

little differences

When I woke up this morning it was cold.
I could have chosen to sleep in but I got up..
I felt numbed by the cold.
I could have chosen to stay still by the heater, but I prayed..
My stomach grumbled and I was feeling hungry.
I could have eaten first, but I drove my little brothers and sisters to school..
When I got home breakfast was set out (usually I like to self-serve).
I could have complained, but I said thank you and ate it..
I planned on leaving the house to go to the shops and my mom happened to need to go too.
I could have gone first, but I waited..
During this time, I needed to find something to fill it up.
I could have done my homework, but I did some house chores..
By the time I finished, I was feeling somewhat tired.
I could have indulged myself with junk food, but I practiced keyboard..
When my mom arrived home, it was still early for lunch time but she start preparing lunch.
I could have delayed its because I wasn't that hungry, but I joined her..
When we finally finished our business at the shops, she asked me if I wanted ice-cream (it's cold and raining, and we only have 10 minutes to eat, also my self-consciousness kicked in).
I could have said no, but I decided to treat..
We rushed to pick up my little brothers and sisters from school.
I could have said I told her so that we were going to be late but I commented on the CD playing..
I had to make dinner because I said I would, though I was feeling a little tired and lazy.
I could have ordered, but I made dinner..
We watched a movie, not my favourite genre but my dad's.
I could have finished eating and left, but I stayed and finished the movie..
Chinese homework time.
I could have procrastinated and let my mom keep nagging me but I finished it ASAP..
My homework time.
I could have postponed it til tomorrow, but I started some of it..
Time for my sister to sleep.
I could have just let her be, but I prayed with her and tucked her in..

..a self reflection for the day.
If I never woke up then today would not be the present.
(:

cold..

As winter begins and the cold settles in, I forgotten how much I used to look forward to the arrival of winter, the long dark days, the extreme cold, the pouring rains, and the fat patches of black clouds. But this year, I seem to miss autumn more--I will miss the extra hours of daylight, the warm sunlight, the innocent fluffy white clouds, and tender temperatures.

I saw a rainbow today, as I walked under the drizzling rain. Then I remembered that I have a promise to keep..even if I am in the middle of winter now. It might be dark. There might be no light. There might be no life. I might get worried or lonely, and shame may build in my heart as I watch this winter pass by. I might think how is it possible that something good might come out of this winter?

But if winter does not pass by, the grass and the flowers that I see everyday will not be more beautiful than they were last time. Winter may bring many unpleasant events of clouds crying, dark skies, rains that drown everything, and cold days, but when it passes everything will be able to grow again into a more beautiful thing. And a part of this winter will be in the grass and the flowers and in everything else.

No matter how long and cold and dark the days are and sleepless the nights, only when I have been through the darkness with Him will I know that He is always there. "Why" is not important anymore if I can just believe that He will redeem the pain for my good and His glory. If I learn to trust Him, my heart will no longer demand answers, but I will be happy.

comfort

'Have you ever had a dream that you were trapped in, and you wanted to wake up but couldn't?' she asked.

Sometimes life can feel like those moments at times..


Comfort (-readings-)

Have you ever felt a pain in the pit of your soul that just won’t go away?
He felt it, too.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isa 53:3)

He lived to the age of thirty-three and He was used to being alone. No one understood or cared to understand anything He said, even though He had words beyond the wisdom of the greatest philosophers; beyond the beauty of the greatest poets. No, they shook their heads at Him. At one point in His life, they all left Him except for a small band of ragtag disciples. There were even those who tried to find any way they could to kill Him because of His words.

Who wouldn’t be sorrowful with all of that? Worst of all, He knew that the day was coming. He understood that every verse in Scripture that spoke of unspeakable suffering was about Him. Imagine how He must have felt whenever He read those verses above.

He knew that all that everyone else in the world was enjoying, from the joys of having a family to even the comfort of a home and a warm bed to sleep in, were things that He would never be able to enjoy. He knew that God had one purpose in His being on earth, and that one purpose was to die.
If you’re feeling sad, know for certain that He knows how you feel. He’s been there. If you’re suffering, He knows how you feel, because He suffered unspeakable agony on the cross. If you’re lonely, he was lonely beyond description. Even His own disciples didn’t understand him. If you’re feeling pressure, He knows how you feel. He bore the sins of mankind on His shoulders.

His heart is aching with yours. He loves you so much that He did all He could for you. He loves you like a shepherd. Even to the point of laying down His life for you.

He brings rich gifts to you. He shed His blood for you so that one day, you might have the chance to be washed in His blood, and that all your sins may be forgiven for eternity. He died so that He would rise again and send the Comforter, the promised Holy Spirit, down for you.

And when you receive the promised Holy Spirit, Christ truly dwells in you. Even when you’re feeling alone, you can be assured that you’re not really alone, but have within you His constant presence--an unquenchable source of strength and sufficiency.

Despite your broken heart, despite anything you’ve done in the past, He is there. He knows how you feel because He’s been there. Before you even know him, he has already loved you today more than anyone can ever love you.

The Bible says that we all, like sheep, have gone astray. It’s true, isn’t it? We’ve wandered far from God, and the farther we roam, the more lost we become. We encounter sorrows and pain in life because we’ve become disconnected with Him. But even so, He still loves us, more than ever. He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart, and He gently leads those that have young.A funny thing happens when you accept Jesus Christ as your shepherd. You find that His grace is always there, and is always enough for you. When your soul hungers, He leads you into the open green pastures. When your soul is filled with anxiety, He leads you beside the calm, still waters. No matter how broken your soul become in this life, He restores it. Even when faced with death, or the slings and arrows of our enemies, He is there.

The fault lies with me. How am I spending my life--am I repaying God for giving me this life? What about the people that have not learned of God’s name, or even heard of salvation, of a better home not of this world? If I have love, I should share His words, His wonders and His grace with others. If I have love, I will wait patiently and hope that change in man is possible because with God, all things are possible. If I have love, I will fight for what is right and just, and finish this race of faith. Wake up and see that He is there.

clouded..hope

When I looked to the cloudy sky today,
When I saw a little bird outside my window,
When I saw a crescent moon tonight,
I remembered some past memories.

My mind is filled with too many wishful thoughts.
I have lost sight of some short term goals in searching for the long term goal.
I need to study, need to work, need to play, need to keep going !
Time is running out.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverence."

(Romans 8:25)

A river flows in your heart

I stood at the edge of a river one day and simply watched it flow past. It seemed like a peaceful and gentle river, and so I wondered about it and nearer to it I walked. The current grew stronger, the waters flowed faster, and everything in its path was carried along with it as time passed. And with each passing moment, the water rised to meet my feet. It was cold and merciless.

I stood there in the midst of the waters. I waited for something to happen, but the waters again rose to meet my knees. I could not stand for the current was strong as it swept past me. My balance was weak and I wanted to push past the waters, at least walk across the waters. As I struggled and pushed, the coldness, the raging of the current, and the rushing of the waters was merciless and fierce.

I was now swept away with the flow of the river. I thought to myself, will I make it? or will I drown? I took little breaths to fight to survive and I fought with the waters to stay above it that I might escape its grasp. I was weak, and my body felt tired, and I felt empty. I let myself flow with the river. I would die, I thought. Who will save me?

Then someone pulled me out of the water. A hand held tight to my hand, a warm and strong grip. I opened my eyes, coughed and shivered, then I saw My Father. He had been watching me and He saved me. He covered me, and shielded me from the cold and then I walked with Him side by side as the river flowed past. I simply followed Him, not straying to the left or right but pressing forwards.

And a peace flowed within my heart, a peace like the river.

Be mindful

I have been consumed by my own desires.

I have spoken words of foolishness.

I have forgotten His words.

I am a fool.



And my heart hurts.

And my heart feels heavy.

And my heart is broken into a thousand pieces.



Just a little seed of hope..

Just a little spark of love..

Just a little light in the dark..

Just a little further...

what kind of love?

Something I want to explore..

Filial Piety: Filial Behaviour--
(note to note..)

5 sinful unfilial behaviour:

1. to not support our parents because of our laziness
2. to not care about our parents by committing our selfish bad habits of gambling or drinking, and likewise
3. to not love our parents because of our greed
4. to bring shame to our parents, to bring shame to their name because desire and chasing after our dreams consumed us
5. to endanger our parents safety because of our quarrelsome character which inflicts danger upon our life too

So how must one show filial behaviour?


I. Obey our parents
Practice obedience to our parents because this is according to the truth of the word of God (Ephesians 6:1-3); this is the commandment of our Father in heaven (Proverb 6:20-23). Listen to their instructions, listen to our father’s commands, listen to the law of our mother, and bind their words upon our hearts; tie them around our necks.As long as we live, bring joy and gladness to our parents (Proverbs 23:24,25). And our Father in heaven will bless us.

II. Wisdom in a child brings delight
Grandparents receive joy in seeing their children and grandchildren (Genesis 48:1, 11), just as Israel was truly joyous for he had the chance to see his offspring and his offspring. The elderly are never burdens but, rather value their wisdom in their advanced years that they we may learn of their wisdom. They shall bless us and our children because we value their wisdom, because we honoured them.

III. Provide for our parents
Even if we give offerings to the Lord, still, honour our parents in the same manner and provide for them. Ruth was determined to follow her mother-in-law everywhere, anywhere which touched Naomi although Naomi also considered her daughter-in-law’s future (Ruth 1:16-17). She always reported to her mother-in-law and supported both of them, diligently providing for their necessities (Ruth 2:2). Be sure to report to our parents for it is our duty to not let them worry over us, that yet we may still provide them security, necessities and ourselves, to be self-sustaining and independent.

Jesus fulfilled his providence to His mother even unto the point of death. He found in His responsibility, His duty, a filial act to ask John to take care of his mother when He leaves (John 19:26-27).

IV. Accept discipline from our parents as children
Love compels our parents to discipline us to fulfil their duty as parents (Hebrews 12:8), and each time they must chastise us they are just as in much pain as we are (Hebrew 6:11).

V. Do not despise our parents
Never esteem yourself higher than our parents for if you do not know this, we are somewhat immature. Know how to repay our parents’ love, know how to treat them, respect them and understand them. Do not blame them, rebuke them or scold them. But think of their safety, respect their ideas, be open to their views, provide their needs, also think of their convenience. If we do not practice this respect, but rather despise or mock our father or mother, we shall be punished.

VI. Do not curse our parents
If we curse our mother or father, we shall surely die (Proverbs 20:20). Remember the fifth commandment, do not break it or punishment awaits us (Leviticus 20:9). Do not wait until they pass away to be filial for we must seize the opportunity to honour them while it means something in this time that we pass by the world.

VII. Do not persecute our parents
Never mistreat our father or chase away our mother for such child brings shame and reproach (Proverbs 19:26).

VIII. The greatest filial act is to give them salvation

And if ever our parent does not fulfil their responsibilities in this life, repay them with good, love them as our Father in heaven first loved us. Pray that our Father will turn their hearts, that maybe they might be moved by our sincere love for them, and that maybe they might see our Father and hear His calling to them. Even as Jesus loved all sinners we ought to imitate His love, for this is just one part of love.

one family.

A day that brings a time and a oneness,

to remind a little one of how they are surrounded by love,

by a family that will always watch over

them.

Wisdom, I Do Not Understand

I do not understand. I am not sure I can or maybe I do not want to. But what can I do? Maybe people despise my youth, my character and my background, but what can I do? All I know how to do is to wait and grow up, but this waiting feels like procrastination, a time that is passed that can never be brought back, and this time is my childhood and my youth. Before I know it, it will be gone and then I will be dwelling on these moments instead, of looking forward. Misery seems to have overcome me. The more I hear of bystanders complaining they are “bored” or “tired”.. I take these words to heart as they were once words that clouded my mind and my thoughts, and in those days I only wished for it to end. Though I know I am still a youth, when I think about the future I fear of becoming lost in such fearful thoughts—thoughts that I know that I should never come across. I feel drained, and empty. Lost and weary. I want to run away but I know that my duty here is not done, neither is there anywhere to run to. I only long to return home.

I do not understand this world, how it spins around and around as all the people seek to find a place to live on it. Then again, as I rush to grow up, I know I will regret my life and the decisions that steered its direction and that is not the way I want to continue. As long as I am alive, it is not too late to change. How much longer? How further? How can I?

I do not understand what I know. Where is the hope that gives me strength to go on? As much as I do not want to observe these surroundings, I can see that love has grown so cold, a coldness that this cruel world embraces and devours. Seemingly “love” is just a mere emotion, but it really it is an ability; something that one needs to acquire through learning, practice, and testing. Then I see small little acts, little deeds in the shadow that gives me a hope to cling on to, because it is these small things that have the greatest meaning.

I do not understand the words of man. I would rather not say anything. I do not mind silence, though it is termed “an awkward silence”. I like the sound of quietness. I like the sound of gentle breathing and snoozing away at night when you know all your love ones are sound and asleep. I like the sound of a calm night, gazing at stars and the moon and just simply contemplating the moment. I like the sound of little girls and boys busying at their homework, its just an occasional whisper, papers flipping away, and pencils writing away. I like the sound of my grandma making or baking something nice to feed our hungry tummy, its just that chop-chop-chop and the sizzling sound.

I do not understand..

Stop, breathe, wait.

Wisdom
--Writings of a wise man, King Solomon--

A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;

the living should take this to heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
It is better to heed a wise man's rebuke than to listen to the song of fools.

Like the crackling of thorns under the pot,so is the laughter of fools.
This too is meaningless.

Extortion turns a wise man into a fool, and a bribe corrupts the heart.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?"
For it is not wise to ask such questions.

Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing and benefits those who see the sun.

Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this:
that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor.

Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten what he has made crooked?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:
a righteous man perishing in his righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.

Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself? Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool—
why die before your time? It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .

Wisdom makes one wise man more powerful than ten rulers in a city.

There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.

Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you-

for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.

All this I tested by wisdom and I said,
"I am determined to be wise"—
but this was beyond me.

Whatever wisdom may be,
it is far off and most profound-who can discover it?

So I turned my mind to understand,
to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things

and to understand the stupidity of wickedness
and the madness of folly.

Do Not Fear

Do Not Fear

If you feel He hears not your prayers,

That you’re tears, they drip down in vain,

And your cries of deep agony deaf to the King,

Look above the dark clouds and see

A bucket on high filled with tears

Of fear and sadness,

of depression and madness,

Of anger, of doubt,

and many pointed fingers,

Of desperate cries and of waning hope.

You will see in His hands a bucket of prayers,

Holding the pleas that you long forgot;

Holding the tears you have poured from your heart.

And when the bucket becomes too full,

He will transform its waters to mercy and love;

Yes, He will transform it to tears of healing.

And these comforting tears will return unto you,

In greatest abundance, to heal all your wounds;

Then your mourning will change and turn to joy,

And your peace will return to you.

Then you will know that He always hears,

That He is GodAnd He loves you.

So dear brother of Christ, and dear sister too,

Though it seems that your prayers fail to reach His ears,

Grab onto the hope that He is there;

Look up above and see that bucket of tears.

He has collected every drop;

Do not fear.

http://www.darkcape123-jordan.blogspot.com/

ありがとう弟弟 chan ^^

a dream..

thanks for sharing this diana (:

sweet o cake..

o' sweet cake..(:

it jus so happened that there happen to be a celebration for 5 ppls' birthdays in a period of 4 days. from the 5th of march until the 8th of march..

MY MOM's bday was first..i reckon that nite we had de best cake! iCe-scREAm cake (the thing was it wasnt wat i originally had in mind since i burnt the first vanilla-nutella-butter cake that was spose to b de birthday cake..actually it was more like a volcano since the top was burnt but the inside was still liquid :P hahs). anyways moving on i had 20mins before i had to rush to work to make another cake: Option A. buy a cake ($$) or OPTION B. improvise (my style)

..so as guessed, i went with option B..went to the fridge and used the vanilla ice-cream+nutella+nuts and viola! ><>

Next day..went out with POD (podiatry) group and celebrated 2 birthdays! 2 more cakes--a rich caramel chocolate mudcake AND a lemon sponge cake. SO rich and swweeettt...sugar high! but yep..fun and good to catch up with old friends..

Next day..it was my close friend's bday..after church, we had a family dinner and then we celebrated her birthday..good to b around close family and friends and good to be one family in christ too.. another two cakes for the big group..a tiramisu cake (can taste the wine in there o.o) and a chocolate cake with cherries or classically known as the blackforest cake..a good way to finish the evening of sabbath day (;

One more day to go..my grandma's birthday, the highlight for march as we happened to have the same cake as the day before except i noticed the chocolate cake had chocolate cream with strawberries and the one last nite was white cream and cherries. BUT still i like tiramisu..prefer not to eat chocolate derivatives unless its dark chocolate but lately not in the mood for chocolate.. craving something else..

It really is a blessing to have an abundance of food, to have a variety and a choice;

to never starve, or have even the thought of it;

to always be in the company of family and friends;

because life will not always be as sweet as a piece of cake.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

"Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God," said Jesus.

Two sparrows are worth one copper coin. Four sparrows are worth two copper coins. But what is the fifth sparrow worth then? Nothing? Sparrows are little birds with insignificant value, cheap. But Jesus said NOT ONE of them is forgotten before God.

The fifth sparrow is you and me. The world may buy us with money, talents, looks and any measure that is "tangible" or "real". But Jesus bought us with His blood. That is why the fifth sparrow is without a price, but rather He freely gave us this precious gift of a better life.

Why would one say:

"I lie awake, And am like a sparrow alone on the housetop"?

Jesus says,

"Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from the will of your Father."

To lie awake, to constantly worry about our life, what will happen, what is to come, what is passed. But only our Father's will for us matters because He will not let us fall until it is His time. His eye is on the sparrow and as He watches them, moreover He will watch over us.

Though I may be as the little sparrow alone on the housetop..

Why should I feel discouraged or my heart be lonely?

My heart should not be troubled or be full of doubts nor fears.

If I am tempted, if hope within me dies..

I will draw closer to Him because He can set me free.

learning to..to

note to myself: to take a look from a different angle.

its ironic that one must learn to become a teacher to teach. then i heard that teaching is a learning process in itself. i guess thats why i find it so interestin that i am learnin so that i mite teach one day? sometimes i think that a teacher is jus that way..i hav never thot of all the work that they hav to do to achieve any progress, any outcome in their students, and its not easy!

mayb i am procrastinatin but i cant keep goin on like this, i cant keep learning sumfin then giving up because i hit problem i cant solve or if sumfin seems too hard. its always been in my nature to give up or run away because i dun know how to handle sumfin. I try to ignore the problem, i try to neglect the problem or i run away far from it, hoping it will go away..but i cant go on like this, because the problem will always be there to haunt me because... it is within me.

i hav to stay here, face the problem and wait for an answer. something i hope to learn, something i must teach myself first before i can one day teach in hope that they will learn something from me. this thought hit me because i struggled to simply "guide" some students through their maths/english work, then what about teaching!?

i think id rather learn..got to stay a little longer and take a look around me..

(someone asked me why i started this blog--my answer: i guess i was trying to run away..but this time i hope this new-er start will endure longer)

I Can't Wait Too

One week of school has passed, but I can't wait for it to end.

So many plans but whatever happens...well, just got to accept it.



What to wait for?

1. to play piano (at least one complete hymn soon =D

2. be a gardner, grow a plant -.-

3. bake a cake =)

4. get a pet? o_o

5. go oversea or overstate? =/

(readings of the Manna..)

I can't wait truly to
know God

I can't wait to see the sights. I can't wait to see the twelve gates, the twelve foundations.

I can't wait to see the jasper walls, the city of gold, the clear glass sea, the tree of life, and the twelve fruits.


I can't wait never to switch on a light ever again. I can't wait never to wear glasses again.

I can't wait to be of a normal weight. I can't wait to be in my spiritual body. I can't wait to teleport andto communicate telepathically. I can't wait to never be tired again.

I can't wait to see how big the book of life is. I can't wait to see movies of the creation and of allthe stories in the Bible and everything not mentioned in the Bible. I can't wait to live beyond four dimensions.

I can't wait to get a piggy-back ride from an angel. I can't wait to see their servitude, their praise,their honor. I can't wait to see old friends. I can't wait to be home.

I can't wait truly to know God.

I can't wait. In the meantime, God, please lead me home. I'm but a stranger here; heaven is myhome. Jesus has satisfied; Jesus is mine.

the big things

Things I seemed to notice..

noticed the sound of rustling grass as I took a step,
remembered the chill of a gentle breeze of wind,

stepped over small flowers that are in my path,
watched the ants work hard every moment,

saw the sun set and the clouds in the sky,

and I saw these little things,

but I thought where do these little things in life keep me going?

I feel that there are so many little things that fill up the holes in my life. Little things that might just stop the big things from fitting. I remember a story about a university lecturer, an expert in time management who gave this lesson to a group of top achieving students, and it goes something like this:

He set a quiz. Firstly, he took a jar then he carefully filled it with fist sized rocks and he asked, "Is this jar full?"
"Yes," everyone replied.
"Really?" he said. And he reached for a bucket of gravel and dumped it into the jar and shook the jar so that the spaces between the rocks were filled. So then he asked a second time, "Is this jar full?"
But this time someone replied, "Probably not."
So he continues adding sand then water and asking whether the jar is really full or not.

The teaching is that the rocks are like the big things in life while gravel may pour into our lives, which are the little things. If I cannot fit all the important things into life then I might not be able to fill everything into my life. I must get my priorties straight.

Today a thought came to mind. One afternoon when I arrived at home, I found my Dad in front of the gaming TV. Strange I thought to myself, he never usually is there but then he wanted to share his new game with me. Then I contemplated over the time that I had, how I have spent ita with my Dad, my family, my freinds. I have realised that I do not spent that much time with my family, though I am at home and outside with freinds..how am I really spending this time?

How much more time and then am I giving to my Father in heaven?

A mediocre state

At the moment, this is my state, a state I want to struggle free from because I know of a better Someone that I can pursue. If I were to compare to Him, I cannot compare at all because I am weak.

Each day I live, I feel like I am following a routine, a mere formality of daily activities instead of remembering that every moment I live is because of His mercy. I do not want to be dependent on others, but still.... I lack initiative.

(Romans 7:15-23)

'For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.

If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good.

But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.

For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not do, that I practice.

Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.

But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.'

a special day for _ _ _ (:

11th of Feb for YOU!

.. fun, cherishable memories, short but sweet

one family in Christ ..

Happiness and Hope

Daily Guide

to

HAPPINESS

PRAY

It is the greatest power on earth

LOVE

It is a God-given privilege

READ

It is the fountain of wisdom

THINK

It is the source of power

BE FRIENDLY

It is the road to happiness

GIVE

It is too short a day to be selfish

PLAY

It is the secret of perpetual youth

LAUGH

It is music of the soul

WORK

It is the price of success

SAVE

It is the secret of security

..taken from an existing recipe, and shared by a special someone to me a while back (: and still..

I wonder what I must learn in life. What talents do I need to live in this world? What things do I need to obtain to survive another day? But none of it matters, none of it at all because I am nothing without the Lord. If I do not live for Christ, I cannot live for me or anyone else. Something I learnt from listening to His still small voice..

A trial is just one of the many ways God communicates to us.

What does God want me to learn?

What does God want to make straight in my life?

What character does God want me to put on?

What is God trying to tell me?

What does God want me to achieve?

...I know that I must persevere, build a new character and hope..